Friday, January 15, 2010


I'm supposed to be writing a bio but that sounds too much like homework, I'm having an urge to tell a story instead. I'm big I can do what I want, right?!

It began on January 18, 1998. One year and one day after I moved into this house, which really means after I left my husband. The phone rang. It was probably one of those phones that was attached to the wall...a very familiar voice on the other end said, "Sometimes you have to take chances in order to have a great life." I really didn't know it then but as I get older I realize that a truer statement was never spoken. The voice went on to say, "I love you." I said "I love you too." You should know that this exchange had happened hundreds of times before between the caller and myself but this time was different. This time would change my life forever.

How does it happen, how does I love you turn into I LOVE YOU? What changed along the way to make that happen? I don't know the answer to that, I do know what happened after that conversation, some crazy hormonal overload rushed through my whole body! Wow, that's what they write all those songs about...and poems and books and movies and... I get it now, why wars are fought and fortunes lost, why lovers are willing to kill and die for one another...and that was just a telephone conversation!?!

That telephone conversation lasted for four months. I have never thought about sex so much in my whole life. You know there really is nothing like having a conversation as a way to start a relationship. I think too often we get the hormone rush and then skip over the conversation and get right to the sex and never give ourself a chance to figure out that we don't even like this person (speaking from personal experience). Why can a person be sexually attracted to someone they don't even like?...oh but that's a question for another day.

So yes, a four month conversation, flirtation, temptation, get the idea. As you may have guessed I had embarked on a long-distance relationship, a life changing long-distance relationship. Now it was April I am getting on an airplane at the other end of my journey the object of my affection awaits. It was surreal. Being the instant gratification girl that I am this experience was truly a test of my will. I was worried, what if I get there, live and in person and we, one or the other or both of us, don't feel it anymore? Could such a big thing just go away when faced with the reality of it? I got off the didn't go away...phew! But we had to play it cool because that's what you do in the airport, I guess?! After what seemed like a very long drive we arrived at our destination, it was basically one room with a closet and a bathroom, books, white linoleum and a bed...a virtual love nest. This was where I was to spend the next 11 days, alone in the same room with my beloved.

I should back up here for a moment and tell you that this person had been my friend for many years while I was married...and...this is a big one, neither one of us had ever been with a woman before. Let me just say that the transition from friends to lovers was a little bit bumpy and scary and hypertitilating (I'm sure that's not a real word)!!! It took nine days to get from the first kiss to...

How often in life do we get a chance for a re-do? I got that chance. At 31 years old I got to lose my virginity again for the first time. On my terms, the way it's supposed to be...a couple of virgins (albeit educated virgins) finding their way, exploring the possibilities, charting new ground together. It was the most amazing sexual experience I have ever had. Never before and really never since. It kind of makes my heart race just thinking about it and it makes me smile. Who says sex isn't all in your head..?!

That relationship ultimately didn't work out, other things in life got in the way of our being able to love each other that way and as it turns out the love of my life was still out there finding her way to me. But this is written in loving memory of the one who changed my story and changed my life forever...You are gone from this world now and I can't say it to you but I have to say it, Thank you and I still love you!!!

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